Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
