please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
