4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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