I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
