are you so shy because you have an std?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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