At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
There are leaves in my underwear?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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