If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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