I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
