Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
