This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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