Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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