So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
