Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
its not stalking. its research.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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