we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
