Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
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can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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