All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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