suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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