wat bout pragnant strippers??
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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