my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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