They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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