Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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