Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
