i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
