Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
