I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
