just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
