ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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