My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
