Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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