I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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