I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Less talking, more tequila
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
