I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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