Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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