I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
