hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
