using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
