thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
