Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
