Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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