I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
