I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
