But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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