They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
