I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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