It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
