It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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