He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
