Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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