Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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