My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
