It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
