we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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