I accidentally had phone sex last night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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