wakey wakey hands off snakey
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
