It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
