Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
