Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Randomize