She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
