How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
