The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
